Ask for CONSENT

We as adults, always give consent to things before they happen or take consent before making a decision. Then why not apply the same with children?

I work as a teacher in a preschool setting. Every child shows me a different future. One morning, I was welcoming children to school. Parents and grandparents leave them with us for just 3 hours. They show their utmost love at the door. It's an adorable sight. But on that particular day, something didn't feel right, that action did not feel right to me personally !

A grandfather kissed his granddaughter goodbye not only on the cheek but on the lip as well, and to my surprise it continued almost everyday, and had been going on over a year. A 4 year old child getting kissed every morning on the lips by her grandfather at that age did not seem right. I know kissing a child on the lips is a very common practice in most parts of the world. But it is a bit difficult for me to process.

There is nothing wrong in showing child love and care and also making them feel safe. But to what extent is this our hands (as not being parents). So my thought over this action is DID YOU ASK FOR CONSENT?

Many of us don't want to consider what and how the child feels about some things that we do for/with them. At least we can ask them for their consent if we are not their parents. A small question: can I hug you? Do you want to be hugged? May I kiss you? May I change your clothes?, Is it okay if I touch your private parts for a specific reason (and give proper reasons like for bathing or changing clothes) and other related questions when it comes to physical touch. I think we assume that they will be okay with it because we are like family, but you never know what or how they are feeling. If we could start this habit, it will also help children become good citizens and good human beings. In the future, they will also consider these things when dealing with intimate relationships and will respect others more. We take things for granted when we deal with children but it shouldn’t be that way. They are not a soft toy to play with. They are also human beings and they also have their say and take on things. I do not mean to say that you are bad for them, not at all, but as grandparents, friends, relatives or sometimes even parents, we many times assume that they won’t mind, but that may not be the case every time.

A small step can create change. This will teach children to ask for consent before they touch anybody in the future and in case something wrong is happening with them, they will be able to speak up rather than falling numb and quiet. I understand we want to show love and affection, but the right way and manner is very important.

My only request to you is, ASK for CONSENT before you touch a child, especially when it comes to private parts.

I know my opinion might feel biased. For some readers this blog might seem unnecessary as this is very normal in their culture. But please share your thoughts with me and let's make a change together!

- Samrudhi and team